Is Adoption for You?

People turn to adoption for many reasons.  Single parents want to raise a child.  Infertility.  Conviction that it’s the right thing to do. 

Regardless of the reasons for your interest in adoption, there are some common concerns that prevent many people from pursuing their interest.

I Couldn’t Afford It

There is no question that adoption is an emotional as well as a financial undertaking.  Foreign adoption costs many thousands of dollars and the idea is often so staggering for families that they explore no further.  While there is no question that the financial aspect of adoption will require sacrifice, there are ways to ease the burden. 

Grants  There are several foundations that give families grants to help them bring home their children.  The grants range from very small to very large.  An exploration online should turn up some agencies to apply to and there is a list in the appendix.  There are also some web sites to check out under the Adoption Resources section of this web site.

Tax Considerations  As of the time of this writing, the federal government provides some relief for adoptive parents.  In the year your adoption is finalized, you are able to take more than $10,000 off your taxes.  Please note that tax rules change frequently and you should consult a tax professional for advice. 

Fundraising  Many families have chosen to raise the funds needed through nontraditional methods such as fundraising.  Some families have a talent for making something special and they sell their product online.  It can be amazing how much of a help family and friends may be once they consider the cause.

Loans  This option should be considered carefully, but there are funding sources that will provide loans to families undergoing the adoption process.

My Family Won’t Support It
People have interesting reactions to the idea of international adoption.  Some people strongly support it.  Others, unfortunately, don’t.  There is much that can be done to ease the transition including sharing information about the process and the children currently waiting.  It can also help to talk about some of the common misconceptions about the adoption process.  For some family members it may take actually meeting the child to ease their concerns.  Regardless of circumstances, it can help to have some loving conversations with family members in advance.  I’ll never forget the day my parents mentioned that my grandpa, whom I adored, probably wouldn’t approve.  I was shocked, but decided we’d just have to deal with that when it came.  Grandpa met my daughter for the first time at Thanksgiving dinner and on his way out after our meal he turned to me and said “Well, it looks like she fits right in.”  He couldn’t have said anything better.

I Could Never Do All That Paperwork

There is no question that international adoption requires mountains of paperwork.  Our family worked for four months on our dossier and in that time knew no end of frustration.  It was beginning to look harder than pregnancy before the end came.  The key to succeeding at this process is to keep the goal in mind and to find an agency to work with who will guide you through the process.

I’m Afraid to Travel

Some adoptions require international travel while some countries will allow the child to be escorted to the United States.  Talking to others who have done it will help.  It will also be helpful for you to know something of the culture and to hear from your agency what your days will look like if you do travel.  It is also important to have a discussion before you choose your agency about travel and what services their guides provide for you in country.   It is not uncommon for every aspect of your trip to be taken care of for you clearing the way for you to concentrate on your child.  Regardless of your decision to travel or not, it will help both you and your child if you learn as much as possible about the country and culture where your child was born.

And the biggest . . .

Could I Love The Child Like My Own?

Oh yes.  Yes.  Yes.  And yes.  For some the love is immediate.  For others is takes time to form a strong bond.  It is not birth that makes a family.  It is making a choice to love.

How to Choose an Adoption Agency

After making the decision to adopt, choosing an agency to work with is the single most important decision you can make.  There are many stories of families who have lost their money or whose adoptions have fallen through.  A little education and some careful research will help the process to go smoothly. 

There are several questions you can ask a prospective adoption agency which will help you decide if you want to work with them or not.

Money

Your agency should be able to give you an idea of what an adoption will cost before you sign up with them.  The final amount depends on your country of choice as some countries have higher fees than others.  Some countries require multiple trips to complete an adoption and some countries don’t require you to travel at all. 

Travel

You will need to determine how much, if any, support the agency will provide to you in country.  Some agencies have established programs and guides they use repeatedly who are with the adoptive families 24 hours a day.  Other agencies rely on local guides.  You need to determine how comfortable you are with international travel and select accordingly.  At the very least your agency should provide you with an EXPERIENCED guide to walk you through the paperwork with the local government. 

Hand Holding  

Regardless of the country you select there will be a significant amount of paperwork involved in the application process.  Find out how your agency will walk you through the process.

References

One of the best ways to get a handle on what’s to come is to ask your agency for references.  Agency references are people who’ve been there, done that.  They are most likely people who love to talk about their experience and the new addition to their family.  I’ve served as a reference for my adoption agency and have talked to many people about my adoption.  It is exciting to talk to people about my experience and to be able to share this wonderful time in their lives.

List of Specific Questions for a prospective agency

How much will my adoption cost?

What will you provide?

What support will I have once I return with my child?

Who will do my homestudy?

How long will the process take?

How long have you been doing adoptions?

How long have you been doing adoptions in (country of choice)?

How many adoptions you done in (country of choice)?

List of Questions for agency references

How promptly did the agency respond to your questions and concerns?

How long did your paperchase take?

Did the agency make your travel arrangements for you?

What did you do in country if you traveled?

Was there a guide with you always?

Did the agency make your travel arrangements or did you?

Where the agency’s cost projections accurate?

Where there any hidden surprises in the process?

And most importantly:  how is your child?

How To Choose A Country

There are children all over the world, including here in the United States in need of a loving family.  It can be overwhelming to try to decide which country to choose.  Talking to an adoption professional about the rules and regulations surrounding adoption in different countries can be very helpful.  Here are some questions to ask yourself.

How do I feel about race?

Everyone has different feelings about race.  To choose a child from a different race means that whoever looks at your family will know immediately that your child was adopted.  It means there will be questions from strangers.  Some innocent, some potentially difficult.  It means people know something about you.  Most people are able to take these questions as just what they are – an opportunity to inform and educate about adoption. 

Travel

Each country has their own rules about travel.  Some countries require a two week stay in country while others require two trips to the country which can be quite expensive.  Other countries will allow your child to be escorted onto American soil.  Your adoption professional can help you answer these questions.  Please be aware that not every adoption agency deals with all countries available.  Having conversations with agencies offering different country options will be helpful.       

Cost

Different countries have assigned different costs to the parents of adoptive children. Also, travel to different countries costs different amounts.  Some countries require both parents to travel while in others just one must.  And don’t neglect to factor in costs once you return home.  An adoption from some countries requires a readoption process in the United States while it is not required from others.  The process can cost upwards of $1,000.  An adoption profession can again help inform you of these costs in advance of applying for a specific country.

The Paperwork, Wait and Home At Last

Paperwork

There is an extensive amount of paperwork required by China to put together your application packet, or dossier.  Your dossier will consist of many things and your adoption agency will provide you with a list and ideally guide you through the process of compiling the required items. 

The process usually starts with a homestudy.  Contrary to popular belief, the homestudy agency is not going to come in with a white glove and check your home for dust bunnies.  The purpose of the homestudy is simply to determine if you are able to care for a child.  The person writing the homestudy will ask basic questions about your life and probably take a tour of your home .  You do not need to have a child’s room completed, just a basic plan for where the child will sleep once he or she is home.  In most cases this process can be very informative for the parents in terms of what is to come as the social worker will probably have previous experience with adoptions.

There are other items which will be required for your dossier and you should get a current list from your agency.  You will probably need to have a physical stating your health is sufficient to become a parent.  You may need a letter confirming your source of income.  Each form will need to be done in a specific manner so make sure to check with your agency before attempting to gather your documents.

Once the paperwork, or dossier, is finished it goes to the agency for review.  Ideally your agency has been reviewing your paperwork as you progress through the process so that there aren’t any surprises at this point. 

The Wait

The next part of the process is simply to wait.  Your agency should be able to give you some idea of the wait time but there are many variables that may affect the process. 

The waiting period is a great time to prepare for the fun that is to come.  It’s time to learn about what the trip to pick up your child will involve.  This is also a good time to start planning the child’s room is it’s not already finished.  Pick a name for your child.  If you do not currently have children, use the time to do things that will be harder once the child arrives.  Read some good books, take a class, pick up a new hobby, exercise. 

Home At Last

Interestingly enough, the journey does not end with your child or children being placed in your arms.  It is, instead, only the beginning.  Be encouraged to know that you are not alone!  There are many groups on the internet designed for parents with similar experiences to share and encourage one another.  There may be local groups in your area that offer support.  Check out your options and continue to talk about your adoption experience with your child.  Adoption can be a positive experience before, during and after the actual act of adoption.  As parents of adoptive children it is at least partly our choice how our child views their adoption.  Many children come from difficult backgrounds but we can choose to focus on God’s love for our child and the plan and purpose he has for their lives.